Dear Church, Help Her Choose Forgiveness

Forgiving my husband after the confession of his unfaithfulness was the hardest faith step I ever had to take. 

Continuing to forgive my ex-husband over and over, and over again (what feels like 70 x 7 x a billion times) has felt like waging a faith war. 

That first step felt impossible. Truly. But the Lord met me in that place in a very real way. He called me to forgive. And then he equipped me to forgive. And then he was with me when I forgave. And then he reminded me of his nature and character–fully merciful and fully just. 

I still live with the fallout of my husband’s sin, even nine years later. It is present in my everyday life, every single day. Solo parenting, finances, future plans, my working life, where we go to church, all of it (and, well, pretty much every aspect of my life) has been affected by his decisions. And so every single day, I’m confronted again with a decision to either choose forgiveness or bitterness. Every single day. I’m not kidding when I said it feels like a war. 

Dear Church, I need your help. I am often weary in this battle. It is so much easier to choose bitterness. It’s the default, really. It is a swim upstream to choose the path of obedience, the path of mercy and forgiveness. Here are some things you can do to support women who are doing the hard, hard work of forgiveness:

1. Pray for them often.
2. Help them keep their thoughts, words and posture of their hearts pure by not leading them into disparaging conversations about their ex-husbands. It’s easy to rip him to pieces. Help her do the harder work of forgiveness.
3. Model a forgiving spirit with the people in your life. 
4. Encourage her to press on. Remind her to “not grow weary of doing good”, knowing that “in due season [she] will reap a harvest if [she] does not give up” (Gal 6:9).
5. Remind her of Jesus, who purchased our forgiveness on the cross. Point her back to the good gift of our salvation.

Thank you for walking beside us as we walk the desperately narrow and hard path of forgiveness. It is a lifeline in the battle, and we are grateful!