Dear Church, She (Still) Needs Help
You know those times you’re driving along the highway and suddenly hit standstill traffic? As you inch along, you have the sinking realization that there has obviously been an accident, and based on the slowdown, it must be bad. How do people respond in these situations? I think it would be fair to say 1% of people jump out of the car, run to the scene, work to stabalize those hurt, comfort those who are shaken, call emergency services, etc. And the other 99%? Well, we usually slow down to stare, crane our necks and become amateur investigators seeking to understand what happened, curiosity driving us mad. We conclude that we are not the ones who can, should, will help.
I think divorce in the church gets much the same reaction. When I learned of my husband’s infidelity, it felt like I was on the side of the road, my heart bleeding out, noise, chaos, trauma, confusion, pain—so much pain. A small number of people jumped out of their cars, ran towards me (literally—dropped work, got on airplanes, raced to get to me). They were the ones who worked to calm the chaos, triage the immediate pain, and hold me while I sobbed and surveyed the loss.
But most were onlookers.
In cases of divorce in the church, you and I will likely be in that position—the 99% that is looking on. How should we handle that? DEAR CHURCH, help and embrace her. Love from where you are. If you are near, love in practical ways—help with kids, provide meals, leave flowers on her doorstep, sit and listen, bake cookies. You get the point. If you are far, love from where you are—send a card or takeout gift card, pray, don’t give in to gossip, pay for counseling, choose not to “investigate”.
Dear Church, help her by choosing to be an active onlooker. Work for the comfort and good of the broken wife and her children. Don’t stare or turn your face away, assuming others will act. Don’t gossip and dig for answers. Love well by embracing her. Choose to actively love. “Dear friends, we also must love one another” 1 John 4:11.