HE IS…Merciful

God is merciful. To the uttermost. He is “a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger and abounding in faithful love and truth, maintaining faithful love to a thousand generations, forgiving iniquity, rebellion, and sin” (Ex 34:6-7).

He extends mercy to sinful people. This is incredibly good news for me. 

But if I’m being completely honest, I don’t want this quality of God to be applied to my ex-husband. I want him to be held to account for the sin done against me. What ugliness still simmers under the surface in my heart. 

So how do we hold this truth for ourselves and those who have hurt us? What does it really mean that God is merciful? 

Well, for starters, his mercy is not based on any good or deserving thing in those to whom he extends mercy. None of us deserves the patience and steadfast love of God (Rm 3:23). 

But sometimes I feel like my ex is especially undeserving—way more than me.

It’s a good thing that God’s mercy isn’t dependent on me, because in that very statement, I would disqualify myself. I told you it was ugly under the surface.

Mercy is the undeserved kindness of God. And I have been a recipient of this kindness. But mercy is always coupled with justice. God shows undeserved kindness towards sinful people because Jesus took on the full weight of judgment on the cross. He paid my sin-debt. I receive mercy because my sin fell on another. 

Undeserved kindness. Patient love. I’m so thankful for it. It wrecks my heart in all the best ways. So then, when I read, “Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful” (Lk 6:36), my perspective begins to shift and the rough edges slowly start to soften. God’s mercy goes to work on my heart. I would be so lost without him–so bitter, so spiteful.

I may never understand it. I may fight against it when I look at my ex-husband. I may beg for it for myself and withhold it from others. But in the end, his mercy is more. It is bigger, stronger, grander, and holier than I could ever grasp. It is beautifully, wonderfully, incredibly hard to comprehend. Oh, how deeply I want this mercy to grow up in me. Lord, let it be.