6 years after Mom died, my world completely shattered again as my husband’s unfaithfulness came to light. I walked through horrific betrayal, abandonment and unwanted divorce. My life, my home, and my heart were impossibly broken.

There have been many days over the last 6 years where I have questioned God’s goodness in my Mom’s homegoing. My pain has been so immense as I’ve walked through the darkest days of my own life.

We had twelve days.

Twelve days to close a chapter.

A chapter I loved, cherished and had poured my life out for. Twelve days to sell our things. Twelve days to say goodbye. Twelve days to pack suitcases. Twelve days to visit favorite spots for one last time.

Twelve days to lay my beautiful life in the grave of broken dreams and walk away.

And then came what might have been, the very worst part of all. When I look back on those days, my skin crawls and I feel physical ache.

I entered a season my counselor labeled: THE SLOW DRIBBLE.

The initial story of unfaithfulness I heard was being tweaked. Expanded.

What had originally been exposed was only the beginning. It was simply the Truth Door being cracked…

I wore white. I entered into a sacred covenant. I became part of a new family. I feasted and celebrated a bright future.

I WAS A BRIDE.

I’m no longer her, but a Bride I still am.

"JESUS"

That's the only word that I could force out. There was no time to think about how I felt about God in that moment. I’m sure I wasn’t feeling very loved by Him as those tears ravaged my body—how could I when my life had shattered only hours before. I did not preface that cry with praise or adoration. I didn’t clean up my heart before Him first. I just cried out—like a child lost in the waves, tumbling, smashing against the sea floor—completely and utterly desperate:

My eyes were heavy from crying, dark circles haunted my face. I had to pull myself together--if only for 15 minutes. I couldn't come undone. Not yet…I felt like a white washed tomb. Painted and presentable on the outside. Inside? Death. Hollow death.

What happens to the broken shards of a shattered life after the dust settles?