My husband left me nine years ago. Since then, I’ve been confronted with countless memories—most carrying echoes of sadness, shame, confusion, nostalgia or dread. I wasn’t prepared for the need to question the REALITY of those moments as I reflect back. So often deception, hidden behaviors, and twisting of truth were happening behind the scenes, and I was completely unaware in the moment. There are incidents of hurt that now make sense. I can now see that much of my self-blame was actually misplaced. There are explanations today that I didn’t have at the time.

On top of that, there is the pain of wondering if what I was feeling in those moments was real. Was my love true? Was that joy fake? Was the love I felt I was receiving a figment of my imagination? 

These are hard questions to face! We can drive ourselves mad as we analyze and sort through old memories. I’m not very far down the road, but here are some helpful steps I’ve learned along the way:

Your marriage has crumbled before you. Dreams of growing old with your husband have died. Life is now characterized by loss and ruin—words you never thought would epitomize your story. Life has shattered, and the pieces feel impossibly broken. Can I tell you today that I get it? My story is not all wrapped up with a pretty bow. Let me explain…

Some friends have gone silent and seem to be avoiding me & it hurts. Did this happen to you?

Oh, this is a hard one. Yes this happened to me, and yes it hurt. My heart is with you.

Here’s the thing—I truly believe that your friends are not trying to avoid or ignore you. My guess is they don’t know what to say or do—to the point that it’s paralyzed them and now they feel it’s too late, so they step back to avoid making things worse. 


How do I know? Well, this has been me before, and probably you too?

It’s our first Father’s Day since he left—all of us are feeling crummy & not sure how to handle the day?

This one is so timely! Here’s some of my thoughts based on our experience

Will I be sad forever?

We are answering some questions from our community and I can feel the sorrow and weight behind this one.

Short answer: no. But here’s my why…

If Jesus can bear eternally the weight of my sin, guilt, and shame, then surely he can carry the weight of my tears. He already carried and paid for the biggest burden I could ever carry when he paid for my sin on the cross. If he is strong enough to save me to the uttermost, then he is CERTAINLY strong enough to bear my daily burdens (Psalm 68:19).

Empty arms almost always lead me to turn my eyes to Jesus. It is typically our lack that drives us to his side, not our plenty. My unmet desires spur me to ask the question: is Jesus really enough?

Tears burned my eyes. I was angry and desperately sad. How does a father abandon his family? It feels like the very worst of crimes. My mind raced as jumbled prayers spilled from my mouth. “Lord, will my daughters survive this breaking of our home? How will they come to understand that you are so very different? Can they separate in their hearts a father who leaves and a Father who stays?”  ** READ THE FULL ARTICLE ON RISEN MOTHERHOOD…

6 years after Mom died, my world completely shattered again as my husband’s unfaithfulness came to light. I walked through horrific betrayal, abandonment and unwanted divorce. My life, my home, and my heart were impossibly broken.

There have been many days over the last 6 years where I have questioned God’s goodness in my Mom’s homegoing. My pain has been so immense as I’ve walked through the darkest days of my own life.

Dating can be hard. No doubt about it.

Dating as a single parent? Possibly the hardest…

The women in your life who have walked through abandonment and divorce are probably really struggling at this time of year. Let’s choose to walk beside them this holiday season.

In our last post, we talked about how we have the capacity to hold both devastating grief and growing hope at the same time. Today let’s talk about some of the more practical stuff…

My 4 most painful moments happened while Christmas decorations decked my home.

As the calendar flips to November I feel a tightness in my chest. I tend to adopt a brace position in my heart & mind– waiting for the next blow.

We have made a conscious decision to REWRITE MEMORIES. We’ve decided to choose brave .

It happens all the time, doesn’t it? We are going about our business & all of a sudden a memory is triggered. When you’ve walked through abandonment & betrayal at the hands of your spouse, these triggered memories can be intruders, forcing their way to the forefront of your mind.

A rot began to spread. Hatred, anger, disbelief stretched and festered in my heart. Death was still there, waging war against my heart. I had become a prisoner. I was buried in ache and pain. Bitterness was coursing through my veins— a deadly rot was overtaking my heart.

I wore white. I entered into a sacred covenant. I became part of a new family. I feasted and celebrated a bright future.

I WAS A BRIDE.

I’m no longer her, but a Bride I still am.

Welcome to Restored Home