Dear Wife Who Longs For a Different Life,

As my eyes opened up this morning, I felt the familiar heaviness. Some days I wake up feeling so completely blah. Is there any better way to say that? The weight of the world, the grief that still creeps in, the to-do list, the longing for something more. It’s all there, threatening to take me down before the sun even rises. Life feels so deeply unsatisfying sometimes. 

When I was a 22-year-old blushing bride, I was full of so much hope—bursting with it, really. I had such grand ideas about marriage and life. I, of course, imagined only good things for us. I envisioned days in the sun, love overflowing, raising a family together, planting a church, growing old with him. 

My imagined life turned out to be a puff of smoke. And so often this chasm between how I thought it would be and how it actually is leaves me feeling dissatisfied. 

It’s horrible to feel that way about your life. And I don’t every day. In fact, I usually don’t. I’ve learned to be content with what I have most of the time. 

But then a morning like today hits, and I wish so badly that I could shrug off all the weariness and longing. I just want a different life. A better life. An easier, sunnier, happier life. 

These thoughts are poison and wormwood, aren’t they? They sink in deep and threaten to take us down. The only antidote I’ve found is a desperate prayer penned by Moses: 

Satisfy me in the morning with your unfailing love…

Psalm 90:14

Only the perfect love of Christ can satisfy the deepest longings, the depression, the weariness, the doubt, the reality of life. I find myself turning to this prayer time and time again. Oh Jesus, let me be so filled up to full with your love that I don’t crave anything lesser. Let me find everything in you–only then will I lack nothing (Psalm 23:1). 

Can you imagine what our days would look like if we drank deeply from the only water that will ever fulfill and satisfy–the Living Water, our Jesus? 

And so today, we lift our eyes again and pray, Oh Jesus, satisfy our hearts. You’re the only One who truly can.