I wanted to be strong and self-sufficient. But honestly, I couldn’t get through the day without help. As the months stretch on, I still need so much help, even after nine years.

Sometimes I lay awake at night feeling like such a massive burden to the people who love me. I feel so needy all the time. My friends and family have never begrudged helping me—ever. But it’s still a struggle to believe that I’m not a total drain on them. 

Maybe you feel this way, too? 

I don’t have all the answers, but here are four things I’ve been pondering…

Your marriage has crumbled before you. Dreams of growing old with your husband have died. Life is now characterized by loss and ruin—words you never thought would epitomize your story. Life has shattered, and the pieces feel impossibly broken. Can I tell you today that I get it? My story is not all wrapped up with a pretty bow. Let me explain…

Friends, our Jesus, Man of Sorrows, has promised that our pain and grief will have an end date. Yes, we have sorrow now. But in that sorrow, we have One who understands–one acquainted with grief, betrayal, heartache, and abandonment. Jesus has walked through more suffering than we could ever comprehend. But he pushed through the sorrow because of the joy set before him in heaven (Heb 12:2). His endurance through sorrow was his gateway to eternal joy. 

Why do the flowers come up in the spring? 

The ice isn’t finished, and the days are too short. The sun hides in the shadows of an early bedtime, and the frost graces the hill in the morning. And now, here they are, wildflowers pummelled by the rain. Such delicate beauty, thrashed by the storms. Is it weird to look at my window and feel sympathy for daffodils? Because I do. I can’t help myself. 

They thought it was safe to stretch up towards the sky. They opened themselves to the world around and were met by the harshness of winter’s remains…

Some days are harder than others. There are times I wake up feeling so forgotten by God. Maybe I should rephrase that. I don’t feel like he’s forgotten ME–I know he loves me. But sometimes I feel like he has forgotten the wrongs done against me, or worse—maybe he’s even turned a blind eye to them? I live with deep wounds from the abandonment, betrayal, and rejection from my ex-husband.I still live with daily consequences of a shattered marriage. 

And some days it feels terribly unfair that all these wrongs haven’t been called to account. 

Unfulfilled desires. We all have them. Your’s might look different than mine, but I have no doubt you share a similar heartsickness over the no’s you’ve received. Living in this world means living with desires that might be delayed or even left unmet. We were not made for this place. God has set eternity in our hearts and this world will just never live up (Ecclesiastes 3:11). 

So what do we do with these longings that ache within us? Where do we place the desires that will not let go of our hearts? 

It’s a question I’ve really struggled with…

There is something uniquely sweet about the valley. You are hemmed in–below, above, and on each side by the presence of Jesus. He is gentle with valley travelers…

God is not a man that he may lie, or a son of man that he might change his mind…
(Num 23:19)

I struggle with these words. 

You see, I have trust issues. I loved a man who lied and changed his mind and It made me question everyone in my life. Are they being honest? Will they leave too?

And when I look to God, it’s nearly impossible not to sling the same questions at him.  God, are you lying to me? Are you going to walk away too?

Our God is WITH us. He chose to dwell with us.
He is God of the lowly and cast down.

There is a profound gashing of a soul that happens in rejection. When our very personhood and value are cast aside, it’s very hard to rewire our brains to believe that not everyone feels the same about us.

My soul, bless the Lord...
Oh weary soul of mine, choose today to bless the Lord. Choose to lift your cast-down gaze, your fatigue, your heaviness, and your grief to the Lord who is so near. Your heart will lighten as you praise. It makes no sense, but a sacred exchange happens in the heavenly places when you praise from the bottom of the pit. 

I pray you will know that Jesus is your greatest Treasure. I pray that you will lay down your hurt, your anger, your grief and your questions and know that Jesus is enough. I pray you will lay down all your heart is running after to fill the broken places and know that Jesus is enough. I pray that you will look at your life, not through the lens of what you’ve lost, but what you’ve gained.

The anxieties are heavy. And the trek is so hard. And I am seriously weary. 

But the Bible tells me to cast all of that on to Jesus (1 Peter 5:7). We are told to hurl all our bags of worries and anxieties onto Jesus. 

Why?

Rest came easy for me. I lived in a safe house. My finances were reliable. Plans were in place for retirement and my future. Sleep came easy because the patterns and rhythms of my life were normal and stable.

But with the breaking of my marriage came the loss of easy rest.

We are a community of treasure seekers.

We have sifted through the ashes of shattered marriages and broken dreams to find beauty. 

And oh, how we’ve found it, haven’t we?

Do you carry a story of rejection? Maybe it feels like there is a banner over your head declaring that you are UNWANTED, UNLOVED, REJECTED? Rejection carries tones of shame that cannot be covered over easily. It infects us, down to the very core.

Did you know you’re not alone?

Some friends have gone silent and seem to be avoiding me & it hurts. Did this happen to you?

Oh, this is a hard one. Yes this happened to me, and yes it hurt. My heart is with you.

Here’s the thing—I truly believe that your friends are not trying to avoid or ignore you. My guess is they don’t know what to say or do—to the point that it’s paralyzed them and now they feel it’s too late, so they step back to avoid making things worse. 


How do I know? Well, this has been me before, and probably you too?

It’s our first Father’s Day since he left—all of us are feeling crummy & not sure how to handle the day?

This one is so timely! Here’s some of my thoughts based on our experience

Will I be sad forever?

We are answering some questions from our community and I can feel the sorrow and weight behind this one.

Short answer: no. But here’s my why…

Instead of checking off my spiritual to-do list all I could do was sip my tea, cry and long for rest. Unwanted divorce, solo parenting, betrayal, grief and unseen burdens weighed heavy rendering me exhausted—both physically and spiritually.

Single moms seem to carry a particular burden that often goes unrecognized—that of chronic decision fatigue and a need for rest. This weariness presents itself emotionally, physically and spiritually. This Mother’s Day we can offer true rest to single moms by being the body of Christ, lifting her eyes to Jesus Christ, the only One in whom true rest can be found.